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Do I Stink?
By Laurie | July 17, 2008
Holy cow it’s been hot outside lately. Much too hot to mow the grass or to even do that exercise walk thing. Pity actually.
I was out and about yesterday, doing the Mom’s taxi bit and suddenly I got a whiff of something, or of someone. Woo it made my eyes water. It reminded me yesteryear going into K-mart and instantly smelling their heavily onion-laden week-old hot dogs. Oohwee, that’s some stank.
I looked around to see who or what it could be. Nope, nothing within range. Then I had a horrid thought, “OMG, what if it’s ME! Could I possibly smell THAT stanky? Then I had to take inventory to see if I had taken a shower that day. I honestly can’t remember what the answer was, but I think it must have been that yes, in fact I did get on top of that hygiene deal because I was still pondering the origin of that odor. Whereas if it had been a no, I’d have a solid answer.
Then paranoia snuck in. What if it really was ME? How could I be sure? So I tried the coy personal funk test. First I turned my head to the right and slowly lowered my chin into my shoulder, trying to get a closer whiff of my arm pit. Sniff sniff. Sniffffff. Sniffff. Hmm. Still not sure.
Maybe another angle is better. So I took the collar of my t-shirt (yes I dressed up for that day of errands) and stretched it out and up around my nose – just as I’ve seen four year olds do. Chin down, breathe. Is it me? Crap, I still don’t know. It’s not like it’s obvious, but I still smell it, and I’m the only one here.
So what was left to do but try the Ed Sullivan both hands under pits then smell thee old fingers. I couldn’t help but start to speak in a ridiculous voice and say “really big shew”. Yes I realize I just ostracized half of my reading audience with that little reference. Kids, just Google it; then you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Well all that and I still wasn’t convinced that I was the odoriferous one. I only had one more trick up my sleeve to try. I decided that my neck was sore – ya, ya that’s it… that’s the ticket. My neck was sore, therefore I’d need to circle it around from left then down to right and repeat. Surely I’d be able to tell if that stank was wafting from moi.
It wasn’t very conclusive. The source still eludes me. You’d think that if indeed I was the ground zero of that pewee smell, I’d know it. But then again, if ’tweren’t me, then where oh where was it coming from?
Another one of life’s mysteries.
Hoo boy, sure is hot out there.
Topics: Ayers |