My TED Talk transcript: Grandma Was Cyber Mobbed
Imagine opening your phone to a flood of notifications—3,000 in just 48 hours. But these aren’t messages of love or support. They’re venomous, hateful, racial barbs, each one a dagger aimed at your heart. “You are ugly; your soul is ugly.” “We don’t want reptilians.” “We coming for you ugly old bitch.” “Do us all a favor and kill yourself.” “STFU you racist cunt.” And my favorite, “Your top lip tells us everything we need to know.” (What does that even mean?)
These are just a few of the real messages I received, not because I committed a crime or hurt anyone, but because I dared to share a simple, personal story on my own social media page.
It was a lighthearted response to a trending online conversation. My experience was the exact opposite of what was trending. I shared my truth, on my digital doorstep, not pointing fingers or invalidating anyone else’s story. And yet, within hours, I was the target of a cyber mob.
Now, let’s be clear about what I mean by a cyber mob.
This isn’t your run-of-the-mill internet troll or a heated debate in the comments section. A cyber mob is a self-perpetuating swarm of anonymous haters who descend with coordinated harassment—ridicule, shaming, hate speech, even threats—all in response to something as simple as a post, an opinion, or a photo. It’s bullying on steroids, and it’s happening to adults, by adults at an alarming rate.
Forty 40% of adults faced online abuse. And here’s the kicker: adults can be more savage than teenagers when it comes to this behavior. The same people we expect to model kindness and responsibility—grown-ups—are often the ones slinging the most vicious cyber-trash.
As a standup comedian, I’m no stranger to heckling. I’ve got thick skin, honed by years of performing in front of tough crowds. But even for me, this was different. Reading thousands of messages tearing me apart—my appearance, my character, my right to exist online—This was deeply personal, and isolating.
Now imagine someone without that resilience: your grandma, your child, your wife, perhaps you. What would that kind of unprovoked attack do to them?
Shifting the Focus: The Power of the Bystander
But today, I’m not here to dwell on why bullies bully or to offer a survival guide for victims. I want to talk about you—the bystander, the witness, the person scrolling past an attack in progress. Because you have the power to change this story.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” That silence is what allows cyber mobs to thrive.
In my case, over 50,000 people saw my post. Thousands joined the personal attack, but almost no one spoke up to defend me. It was as if they were all sitting there, popcorn in hand, watching the digital beat down unfold.
Silence isn’t neutral—it’s complicity. When you witness someone being cyber-mobbed and say nothing, you’re letting the bullies write the script.
Don’t you want to be able to freely enjoy the benefits of social media – the connection between family, friends, and like minded souls – the freedom to express your thoughts, opinions, and life without free of a savage mob beat down? Don’t you want that for your loved ones too?
Make no mistake, this is an ugly problem that affects every one of you here. If two in five adults face online cyberbullying, that means either you have, or will, or someone you know will. Guaranteed.
A Call to Action – Silence is complicity
So, what can you do? I’m asking you to stand up, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it means going against the grain. Instead of asking, “If I speak up, what will happen to me?” ask, “If I don’t speak up, what will happen to them?” Because in that moment, you might be the only lifeline a victim has. While you’re weighing the hypothetical fear of backlash, there’s a real person drowning in a sea of hate, desperate for someone—anyone—to say, “This isn’t okay.”
It’s time for us to stop tolerating this behavior. Cyber mobbing won’t vanish on its own. It takes action, and it starts with you. Here are four practical steps you can take today:
- Report Violations: Report any comments that violate a platform’s Community Guidelines. Your report can prompt platforms to intervene and stop the harassment.
- Speak Out Publicly: Yes, this one’s tough. But you can defend the person’s right to their opinion, support their perspective, or call out the bullies’ behavior. Your voice matters.
- Reach Out Privately: Being the target of a cyber mob is isolating and painful. A simple message of support can mean the world.
- Reflect on Your Role: Take a hard look in the mirror. Ask yourself: Is my silence part of the problem or part of the solution? How would you feel if the target was someone you love—your mom, your daughter, your grandma? Would you stay quiet then?
Closing: A Final Challenge
I’ll leave you with one final thought from Dr. King: “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” Cyber mobbing isn’t just an online problem—it’s a human one. It’s about dignity, empathy, and the kind of world we want to live in. So the next time you see someone under attack, don’t scroll past. Don’t stay silent. Be the voice that says, “Enough is enough.” Because if not you, then who?