Singing Telegram by Phyllis Diller

A Singing Telegram by Phyllis Diller is the perfect gift for anniversary parties, retirement parties,  milestone birthdays, and other special events.

Book West Michigan’s own Laurie Ayers, Comedian and Phyllis Diller Impersonator, to deliver a singing telegram to your loved one.

**This Phyllis doesn’t sing much (the original one had a beautiful singing voice), but it will be fun and comedic.

If anyone frequented Tootsie Van Kelly’s in Grand Rapids, Michigan, in the 80s, you may remember the singing server who was known as the Corona Girl (beer, not virus). She sang comedically because, while funny, she was tone deaf (and still is). Corona Girl grew up to become Phyllis Diller, tribute artist.

FAQs about a Singing Telegram by Phyllis Diller:

How long does the telegram last?

Phyllis Diller telegrams are usually around 10-15 minutes in length. Depending on how interactive the audience and recipient/s are, they could be a little longer or a little shorter. She loves to banter with the crowd and take photos with the guest of honor and attendees. When you’re the recipient in the “hot seat,” 10 minutes feels like an eternity.

Where can she do a singing / comedy telegram?

She goes to all types of places: offices, restaurants, community centers, schools, homes, etc. Please just make sure that you have permission from the establishment (especially schools and restaurants) and that there’s a contact person on-site for the performer.

Will she do anything lewd or crude? Is it safe for work?

A Phyllis Diller telegram is family-friendly and safe for work. However, if you are familiar with Phyllis Diller’s mid-century, classic comedy, she may occasionally use innuendo, make more mature jokes, or jokes that may not be PC with all of today’s crowds, but it’s all in good fun, and no one should feel cringey about anything. She does not use profanity, nor make any off-color jokes or touch anyone inappropriately.

If you need an act to be squeaky-clean or conservative, make sure you communicate that ahead of time so she can leave some of her classic material at home, with Fang.

How does Phyllis find the recipient at the party?

It’s vital there’s a contact person on-site. You will need to provide that person’s name and phone number so Phyllis can use them to coordinate finding the unsuspecting recipient/s once she arrives at the venue.

What is the role of the contact person?

The contact person needs to be on-site and reachable by Phyllis when she arrives at the venue. She will call or text the contact person when she arrives at the location or find them via other delivery instructions (such as checking in at the front desk or hostess stand). The contact person helps coordinate the show; for example, at an office, they would gather the audience when she is arriving. They can also help direct Phyllis to the recipient if the location is tricky or she needs someone to escort her in. Phyllis’ signature look can create a stir.  If she’s arriving at a restaurant, for example, tables will want us to stop for pictures; she’ll need the contact person to bring her straight away to the party.

What kind of personal info about the recipient do you need?

Phyllis does best to customize each performance by incorporating personal info about the recipient/s into her banter. She works these tidbits into her act to make it feel much more special. Information that works well includes nicknames, hobbies, quirks, funny anecdotes, inside jokes, likes, dislikes, anything they might be famous for, anything you want to honor or acknowledge them for, details about family life or pets, details about career, marriage, favorite sports teams, etc. Then she can work jokes into the routine.

What Cities and Metro areas does she serve?

Phyllis currently serves the Greater Grand Rapids Michigan area. If you’re outside this area it may still be possible to get a telegram. Venues outside a 20-mile radius of 49428 will be assessed a travel fee at $2 per mile beyond 20 miles, with a minimum fee of $10.

What is the arrival window?
Phyllis needs a 30–60-minute window for her arrival time to your event or party. For example, if you’re sending a telegram to an office and you know the recipient will be there all afternoon, you can set a longer arrival window, like 2-4pm. If you need to have the recipient or guests in place for when she walks in, just include a note and she’ll make sure to communicate her exact ETA with the contact person on site.

For dinner reservations, it’s best to set your arrival window to start at least 30 minutes after your reservation, so that you can get seated and place your orders before Phyllis arrives. If you’re having a party, we recommend having the arrival window start 1-2 hours after your party starts so that your guests have time to arrive and get settled in. Remember, guests are often late, and you don’t want to have Phyllis arrive before everyone is seated.

What guarantee do I have that she will show up?

Laurie/Phyllis has been an entertainer for over three decades. She wouldn’t have survived this long if she wasn’t professional and reliable. This is her livelihood, and she loves what she does. She will show up and do a phenomenal job. You can count on her to deliver.

She was raised that if you are a minute late, you’re late. She aims to get to the location on the early side of the arrival window, but sometimes the traffic is worse than expected, or if it’s a busy day and if a telegram before yours has an issue arise, she could be delayed. If that happens, she will be in touch and let you know what’s going on.

On the very rare occasion (it’s never happened yet) that she can’t make it (due to a car accident, a snowstorm, emergency, an illness, or other unexpected event), she will communicate as soon as is possible. There are always situations that are beyond our control, but she will call you at her very first opportunity. You will, of course, be fully refunded and offered FREE future booking.

How much advance notice do I need to give to book?

The more advance notice you give, the more likely she will be available for you. We do our absolute best to accommodate same-day and next-day orders, and in some cases, you can place same-day orders with at least three hours’ notice. You can book out as far in advance as six-months.

Does she bring their own equipment?

A Phyllis Diller telegram doesn’t require any special equipment. If you have a large crowd and want everyone to be able to hear, we recommend that you provide a microphone for her.

Can she bring flowers, balloons, or other add-ons?

Certainly. She can also present your gifts or a cake you arrange, so long as you or the contact person is available to give the item to her when she arrives on site.

Can I take photos or video of the performance?

We hope you do! She’d would love for you to post them online and tag her @Impersonate_Her on Instagram and Tiktok, and @ThePhyllisDiller on Facebook. You can also send them to her at lauriepayers @ gmail. com

How do I make a special request for Phyllis to say or do something specific?

Please be aware that in keeping with the legacy of Phyllis Diller, she will not do anything lewd or crude. All of her shows contain comedy routines; delivery of a card with a message from you, and time for pictures.

The performer will also incorporate any personal details you include by making jokes, asking questions, or weaving them into the banter. You do not need to write any script or provide extensive details about what you would like Phyllis to do. The more you let her have fun and improvise with the act on-site, the more fun the recipient will have.

What is the base fee for a Phyllis Diller telegram?

Local West Michigan singing / comedy telegrams start at $150.

What form of payment is accepted?

Cash, Venmo, PayPal, or, due prior to the delivery to hold the date.

What is the tipping policy?

Just like with any other service, tipping is voluntary. It is customary to tip entertainers similar to how you tip a restaurant server. Most people give a 15-20% gratuity, but again, it’s up to your discretion. Never expected, always appreciated.

What is your Cancellation and Rescheduling Policy?

We recognize that sometimes plans change and she does her best to be flexible. That said, she is a professional and in demand. When Phyllis accepts a booking, she blocks her schedule, and that means that she isn’t available at that time for other bookings.

  • With 48+ hours’ notice, rescheduling and cancellation is possible, with no fee. Please note if changing the date or time, she will do her best, but she cannot guarantee availability.
  • With 24-48 hours’ notice, you can reschedule for no fee, for any time she is available or pay a 50% cancellation fee to cancel. Pre-paid tips and travel fees are refunded.
  • With less than 24 hours’ notice, you can reschedule for no fee, for any time she is available or cancel with no refund on the cost of the telegram. Pre-paid tips and travel fees are refunded.

How do I book or learn more? Contact me here.